MY TEST RESULTS
Well, sorry it took so long to write about this, but I did get my results back last Saturday, and it was "non - reactive". Remember, a counselor can't say "negative" given the nature of HIV and the tests involved. So as of 2 weeks ago Saturday, I had no antibodies to HIV. I have to admit, for some reason - I wasn't as nervous this time around as in the past. I guess, what it boils down to is that I have really cleaned up my act since I've been sober.
I often share about the nite in my therapists office when I finally admitted I had a "problem" with alcohol (I wasn't an alcoholic!), I added in the same breath ".... but I can't imagine a day with out it". It was then that I began my struggle with my sexual addiction.
At the time, I was very deep in that addiction. So much so, that without honestly dealing with it for over a year, it caused me to relapse in my alcolohol recovery program.
Getting back into my recovery program, I made honesty a foundation to my 12 step work. I even did a sexual 4th step. No longer could I afford to live with half truths, unsaid feelings and dangerous situations. Today, I can admit to weeks of not acting out on my sexual addiction - considering I would often act out two or three times a day back then.
We in recovery are often grateful to wake up clear headed with memories of the nite before; waking up the next morning after a major drinking holiday with no hangover; even grateful to be sober when encountering a drunk in public. Today, I am grateful that I can honestly tell you excatly what I was doing for the past 24 hours, with no shame attached to any of my actions or situations. That is a true miracle.
I often share about the nite in my therapists office when I finally admitted I had a "problem" with alcohol (I wasn't an alcoholic!), I added in the same breath ".... but I can't imagine a day with out it". It was then that I began my struggle with my sexual addiction.
At the time, I was very deep in that addiction. So much so, that without honestly dealing with it for over a year, it caused me to relapse in my alcolohol recovery program.
Getting back into my recovery program, I made honesty a foundation to my 12 step work. I even did a sexual 4th step. No longer could I afford to live with half truths, unsaid feelings and dangerous situations. Today, I can admit to weeks of not acting out on my sexual addiction - considering I would often act out two or three times a day back then.
We in recovery are often grateful to wake up clear headed with memories of the nite before; waking up the next morning after a major drinking holiday with no hangover; even grateful to be sober when encountering a drunk in public. Today, I am grateful that I can honestly tell you excatly what I was doing for the past 24 hours, with no shame attached to any of my actions or situations. That is a true miracle.
posted by Unknown @ 3/23/2006 09:15:00 PM
1 Comments:
At 31 March, 2007 01:19,
Texaco said…
I love reading your page because you stay so well grounded in the solution and committed to doing step work. I've only danced around it in my own blog, Methed Up for fear of turning people off. I realize thats a bogus fear and that carrying the message has to include talking plainly about the solution. Thank you for helping lead me to clarity on that issue. Congrats on your test. And keep on keepin' on.
Your brother on the happy road of destiny,
Chris
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