If you don't like my mood now.....wait excatly 5 minutes!

Here in Michigan, we often say "if you don't like the weather, wait 5 mins!". Silly, but if you've lived here, it would make sense to you. For example, just recently, we've gone from a high of around 50F to a low of 7F!! All within the span of 8 hours! Some people like the changes: I've always said I luv the 4 seasons; just not all in one day! I'm not a big outdoor person either, so I really don't like extreme cold nor extreme heat. Comfortable, that's me.
Today, it really struck me: through out the day, my mood/personality is very similar to the Michigan weather patterns!!! No really!
I can go from warm, partly sunny, with a mild breeze to lighting storms with deafening thunder claps!! All in a span of less than 5 mins!!!! Really !! I'm not kidding. Really. Seriously. hehehe....
Seriously, though. Before I got sober, I prided myself on my patience, warm heart and understanding wit. I never realized what a f*****g prick I was! I forced my will on my friends, family and employees! If I didn't get my way, I would sulk, pout, seethe with resentment or outright rebel to get what I wanted. When I first got sober, I was so "unpredictable" that I chose to go on medications to help ease the emotions that were racing thru my body!!! (I often say around my recovery tables "I wish I was Vulcan!!). So, instead of instant dark clouds with a chance of thunderstorms, I became partly cloudy with a slight chance of showers.
Even on meds, I was still gloomy, depressed, and moody. See, we often think that we should feel GREAT all the time while on anti - depressants. Not really true for most of those drugs (well, you know, there's always Prozac!!). But remember, Prozac would MAKE you feel good, but once off it, you felt the same as before. With the medication I was on (I was on Lexapro), I was able to feel my emotions - NOT that I wanted to mind you !!!! - and with the help of my therapist, I actually faced many old "demons" from my childhood and young adult years.
Yes, people, emotional scars are FOR REAL!! Face the facts and own up to your own!!! This crap hurts, like a scab that never heals!! And will keep on hurting until it heals properly! With the clarity and support of many around me - I have smoothed over many scars from my past; some I thought I would have to live with until the day I die. Some scars had scars OVER them, it was so bad!! But, you know what? Just as a real scar or sore will itch and fell "weird" as it heals; so do emotional scars - it's just that most really more or less just feel "weird" as they grow less and less painful. Until finally, they're just a small bump; a shiny piece of "skin" on your emotional radar, if you will.
I'm not sitting hear saying that each day has been a beautifully, clear, Florida Sunshiny day for me. However, lately, it hasn't been dark, gloomy, thunder showers either. I have my gorgeous times; I have my partly cloudy times; I even have my rainy times: the point is - my emotions are like Michigan's weather - nothing is permanent and will ALWAYS change. That's what keeps me going. My "new emotional flowers" need sunshine and water to thrive.
And I won't keep planting new flowers with out experiencing life on life terms.